I'm not crying, you're crying
Your environment can help you grow or hold you back
I’ll just come out and admit it: I’m a crier.
I cry when I’m sad.
I cry when I’m happy.
I cry when something or someone moves me.
But I especially cry when my logical brain recognizes what my emotional brain feels: a major and imminent turning point, milestone, or opportunity.
Such was the case last week when I had the bittersweet pleasure of taking our youngest daughter to college out-of-state.
I say bittersweet because with her gone, so is a positive element of my everyday life. I’ll miss her terribly, but I’m buoyed by the fact that her new environment is spectacular.
She is planted into fertile new ground, where the growth possibilities are endless.
She’s surrounded by those eager to put themselves out there in every way: from meeting new people to experiencing fantastic new adventures to gaining knowledge and digging deep to discover what ignites their souls.
Even better?
Her university goes out of its way to ensure that all students feel welcomed, included, and supported in their journeys.
Doesn’t that sound amazing?
As adults, we often think our time to grow has passed, that we’re somehow fated to live an ordinary and predictable existence.
(That alone is enough to make you start crying.)
Well, wipe your tears because I call bullsh!t.
The simple truth? You’re a product of your environment.
If you want to change your life, change your environment.
Your environment, which includes your friends, colleagues, location, habits, and lifestyle, impacts you far more—for better or worse—than you realize. You can’t make a significant, lasting change without altering some elements of your environment.
Ask yourself these two questions to better assess if your environment is helping you grow or holding you back:
1. Who is in my top five?
Jim Rohn, an early mentor to Tony Robbins, famously said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend time with.”
Rohn’s assertion was rooted in the law of averages, which is the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes, and suggests that the five people you’re around the most shape you.
Said another way, when trying to grow into the person you hope to be, it’s helpful to surround yourself with people who demonstrate those qualities you aspire to achieve. These people might include mentors from whom you can learn new skills, colleagues who cheer you on when you get discouraged, or friends who hold you accountable to your goals. Having in your “top five” positive, encouraging people who lift you up and support your dreams will dramatically improve your chances for success.
Conversely, if your environment contains negative people threatened by your choices, you’ll have a much harder time trying to make — let alone maintain—a significant change.
Do the people around you support your destiny and not just your history? If not, it might be time to widen your circle and proactively seek new energy from like-minded souls.
2. Where do I hang out, and what do I do while there?
The same principle applies to all aspects of your environment; it’s not just who but also what you surround yourself with that can either propel you forward or hold you back.
Where are the top five places where you spend your time? For most, this includes an office and home base, as well as additional locales:
The gym or a bar
Networking events or your sofa
Walking through a park or surfing the internet
No place is inherently good or bad, but you should pay attention to how you feel while you’re within those spots and note if that feeling changes when you leave them. For example, are you motivated or drained? If it’s the latter, and you want to make progress, something’s gotta give; it’s time to make a change.
Consider your habits and lifestyle, too: are you intentionally placing yourself in situations and locations that spark growth? Or have you fallen (perhaps unconsciously, out of fear) into a stagnant comfort zone of the familiar but uninspiring?
Real growth happens when we understand whom and what best supports what we want and then align ourselves with those people and places that do.
Another reason you might feel like crying?
You’ve screwed up.
In my latest Forbes article, I share five reasons why swapping your tears for accountability is the best thing to do.
Shine on,
Amy
P.S. When I’m not writing this newsletter or stocking up on Kleenex, I’m a social media ghostwriter. (Yep, that’s a thing). I help founders, entrepreneurs, and CXOs craft their stories to communicate and connect better by magnifying their reach and impact. (Think personal branding and thought leadership.) Learn more here.
P.P.S. Now that we’re inbox-exclusive (love that about us!), why not follow my musings across the interwebs on Forbes, LinkedIn (be sure to hit the 🔔 in the top right corner of my profile to get notified when I post!), Twitter, and Instagram too?
And if you really want to get meta, subscribe to my weekly LinkedIn newsletter, m o m e n t u m, featuring insights to help you maintain positive motion and continually grow your career.
P.P.P.S. You have great taste in newsletters, my friend—thanks for subscribing! You are subscribed, right? If not, let’s fix that; click the blue button.
While you’re at it, be sure to check out the archives to catch up on previous issues, and feel free to share this one with your friends using the button below. Or better yet, invite them to join our Illuminate Me tribe!
