How to banish your inner critic

That little voice in your head isn't always accurate.

Welcome to Illuminate Me. Each week, I share an illuminating insight to help you communicate and connect better, growing your reach, impact, and career.

This week’s insight: Don’t believe everything you think.

---

Real talk: Even the most successful, self-aware, well-adjusted humans suffer from self-doubt.

You could be the most energetic and prolific content creator and receive praise from others on how you’re “crushin’ it,” and messages from those who want to know your secret yet still feel meh.

You fall into the trap of questioning all those observations and, worse, questioning yourself.

(I’m guessing you can relate.)

How is it that you can feel like you’re mediocre yet have others say that, by all appearances, it’s quite the opposite?

Because your reality is warped.

And that little voice in your head is not always accurate.

The truth is that your biggest career saboteur is often someone you wouldn’t expect who can be harsher than any external force: YOU.

Here’s how to quiet your inner critic:

Think progress, not perfection

So many of us strive to be perfect in our careers, but perfection is a lie. The hard truth: It will never be the “perfect” time. When you tell yourself circumstances need to be perfect before you take action, or when you say you’ll do X when Y happens, you give up your power to external forces you can’t control.

But even when you move past your fear and take action, it’s easy to get down on yourself when things don’t exactly go as planned. Even so, that doesn’t mean you haven’t made strides and grown. When you reframe your expectations and perception, you see that taking a risk results in one of two things: succeeding in your quest or learning how to do better the next time you venture out beyond your comfort zone. Either way, that progress deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated.

Swap self-criticism for supportive self-talk

Nothing has a greater impact on your career than the stories you tell yourself. Yet without realizing it, many of us fall victim to an all-too-common practice of self-sabotaging talk.

When facing disappointment, say over a lost pitch or promotion, it’s easy to get down and call yourself a failure. However, by upping your awareness of your use of negative self-talk, such as telling yourself, “I’m not good enough,” you begin to see how self-defeating it can be. This will help you to be mindful of your words and replace them with something more supportive.

Treat yourself the way you would a treasured friend

Most of us have no problem supporting others, yet we tend to forget that we, too, are human. And as humans, we make mistakes and have shortcomings and weaknesses.

Cut yourself some slack, employ self-compassion, and treat yourself the supportive way you would a treasured friend. This means being kind and caring toward yourself rather than harshly self-critical. Self-compassion will also help you reframe the situation, view yourself as a work-in-progress, and treat yourself with kindness.

Ask for feedback from trusted allies

We humans are funny creatures with inherent biases that often skew our perceptions, particularly those we hold of ourselves and our accomplishments. So rather than torture yourself with possibly inaccurate information, enlist the support of trusted allies to offer more objective, honest feedback.

When you see yourself through the eyes of a friend, mentor, or colleague, you’ll get a more balanced (and likely more supportive) perspective than your own and quell your self-sabotage.

Prioritize your well-being

Self-care is the practice of taking an active role in protecting, preserving, and improving one’s well-being and happiness, particularly during periods of stress.

Being proactive and intentional with your self-care means that you prioritize your well-being. But self-care isn’t just about spa days and mantras; it’s understanding that being “selfish” about it means that you’ll show up fully energized and as the best version of you, ready to tackle challenges without sacrificing your sanity or health in the process.

Strengthening your well-being not only replenishes you by nourishing your body, enriching your mind, and recharging your spirit; it also helps to quiet your inner critic.

Remember, that inner voice isn’t always accurate; don’t believe everything you think.

---

Do you know who you should listen to?

Your colleagues and clients, who are desperate to be heard.

Active listening is the one element that has the power to positively transform your company culture.

And in my latest Forbes article,* I share a five-step framework on how to listen successfully and act on what you’re hearing. 

*With a tip of the hat to Heather Younger, whose new book, The Art of Active Listening: How People at Work Feel Heard, Valued, and Understood, inspired this article.

---

More illumination:

• Miss last week’s newsletter? I talked about the other ‘F’ word and why if you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.

• And one from the archives: An ode to the “Power Trifecta” and why sometimes I lie.

---

P.S.

What I do:

When I’m not writing this newsletter or silencing my inner critic, I’m a social media ghostwriter. (Yep, that’s a thing). I help founders craft their stories to communicate and connect better, magnifying their reach and impact. (Think personal branding and thought leadership.)

I can also weave together your personal and professional experience to write an engaging, original, and authentic career story that aligns with and supports your personal brand and thought leadership, positioning you for success.

Learn more by visiting my website.

Where you can follow me and find more of my work:

Forbes: I write weekly articles on personal transformation and its impact on career growth.

LinkedIn: Hit the 🔔 in the top right corner of my profile to get notified when I post and join more than 21,000 others by subscribing to my weekly LinkedIn newsletter, momentum, featuring insights to help you maintain positive motion and continually grow your career.

Twitter: Pithy synopses and threads of my content.

Instagram: My content, visualized (and occasional travel-related Instagram Stories and archived Story Highlights about my adventures if you’re into that kind of thing).

How to subscribe to this newsletter:

If you haven’t already, please subscribe by clicking the blue button and be sure to check out the archives.